A Black Man! Last night I lost my masculinity... I gave away my sensitivity... Why? Because I didn't measure up as a man in the eyes of YOU triflin' n****s; Yet I strove to give the weak illusion that I was down. A Black Man! I lost my history, the ancestry that clings to every inch of my bone structure and DNA. I became ashamed of my 'good hair,' my red to yellow skin. Because of 'people' I began to despise the body I was in. A Black Man! The sound of those three words.... like a cacophony of burning steel cringing and shrieking fills my ears. I scream. 'Why Lord!' 'Why am I who I am? Why do I exist in this form of Be?' The answer never seems to come. I further seperate myself from the richness and beauty of my culture; more concerned about the reasonings and approval of other races. The sad thing is... I often walk away from my rich identity simply because of the negative words and actions mirrored in MY own peoples faces. A Black Man! Grows introverted and secretive. No longer living in the land of opportunity or equality; instead I become a member of the 'grey area,' loosing my integrity and trading in my sense of destiny. Now I settle.... Settle far below the values and acceptances of my proud heritage. We were once Kings and Queens....Regal and Beautiful, Intelligent and Resorceful.... Now i've settled for a lesser lot in life. Trapped in the 'American system' of undercover prejudice... from the color of my skin to the area where I was born and even the places I've been; judged by my background, my looks, my color and even by YOUR past experiences. It leaves a sour taste in my soul that dampens my resolve, and I loose my best strength and fail to properly evolve! A Black Man! I foolishly gave up my uniqeness, the special power GOD created and grafted to me. The ability to stand in the midst of sheep, as the ruler exuding mystery, spirituality and a dose of potency.... I gave it all up... I ceased to be.....too ashamed of the way I was raised simply because of what YOU all thought and think of me. But wait!!!! Here's the funny part...the bulk of my grief... my struggles or just my plain affliction comes from my own people...from peeps of my own skin color! And I sat there and listened, willing to be just another number that starts out with a rich beginning and lives to have an obscure end... I took in the insults, lies and conjectures about me as a person; listening to MY people define who I was, who I am, and who I will be. All the foul venom that dripped from your lips..... I traded all of me, in an effort to fit in, my motto being... "Just get in where you can fit in." Now ain't that some Bullshyt! A Black Man! Living a life of perpetual storm clouds and rainy days. Each day the same, dry and gray; no reason to change, no reason to get away.... But! In the midst of the storm, HE stepped in! Today I regained MY masculinity sweetened by my beautiful sensitivity! A man by the name of Christ, brought me a much needed antidote and put every drop of spoken negativity and hataration on ice. I got on the level, I embraced my ancestry, I wallowed in my history. I breathed my eccentricities and consumed my delicious integrity and gorgeous identity. A Black Man! Took the hand of Mr. Christ and began walking from the ashes of black on black prejudice and any form of sour racism. No more excuses! No more acceptance of diluted reasonings... For the first time in a life time I stared at my yellowed-bronze skin. For the first time in my existence I lapped up my eccentricities, intelligence, loves, hates, and even my long loss purity. I embraced me, my heritage and the God, my savior. I regained my sanity and for once I descended from the mountain-top, my face glowing with a newness. Today I embraced the Man that I am and will become. I'm livin' my life like it's golden. No longer ashamed of who I am, where I've been, Who I will become or Where I've came from. By the grace of God, today... I am a Black Man! No longer Dis-enchanted. Copyright 2004 "PropheticNsyght"